This Blog is a Meeraage

Two boys who both have the same ridiculously long name meet at a textile factory while attending a boarding school in Amsterdam. As it turns out, they’ve both dated 19 girls named Alaska, all of whom had cancer. In fact, everyone in this story has cancer. Anyway, one of the boys realizes that he is incredibly gay and writes a musical expounding his love for the other guy. On the day of the performance, however, guy number two disappears and guy number one has to go on an epic one-day transatlantic road trip to Tennessee where he discovers that guy number two is attempting to beat the world record for the largest collection of black amputee Santas. Then, in a heartbreaking twist that no one saw coming, all 38 Alaskas die on the same day, and guy number one commits suicide (OR WAS IT SUICIDE?!) by running his car headlong into a cow.

THE FUGGING END.

So my boyfriend and I were wandering around our small town on Tuesday, trying to find a place that carried The Fault in our Stars.

   Boyfriend: “We’re on a mission!”

   Me: “A mission from God?”

   Boyfriend: “No. From JOHN!”

And then, as we walked through the store, we came up with….The John’s prayer. I’m sorry for this, internet.

   Our John, who art on YouTube

   Hallowed be thy puff

   Thy fandom come

   Thy will be done IRL

   As it is in Nerdfighteria

   Give us this day our weekly vlog

   And forgive us our worldsuck

   As we forgive those who worldsuck unto us

   And lead us not into fail

   But deliver us from the Decepticons

   For thine is the Henry

   And the Yeti

   And the Willy

   Forever and ever

   BEST WISHES!